


The Pauna Heda

by toots (TooMany0TPs)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Children, F/F, Sad, Slow Burn, Spirits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-05-30 02:57:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6405952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooMany0TPs/pseuds/toots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The bullet misses her, but something else kills her instead. Clarke is being guided the whole way by Lexa until The Pauna Heda appears.<br/>11:45, 52 years ahead ~</p><p>Approximately an hour and a half since she's been stood there, waiting, doesn't know why, or what for, she's just been told to. Her friends, family, loved ones … her people are watching her intent on why she was there. The only ones left that she hadn't lost, she'd lost so much, so many.</p><p>She was stood outside Polis, facing the forest, a few metres before the tree line, a shallow blue incandescent light emanating from the phosphorescent plants illuminating the trees and shrubbery and scurrying animals.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So little time

**Author's Note:**

> All Trigedasleng's in italic. Trust me, it gets way worse before it gets better, and better it does.

**Heda Pauna**

11:45, 52 years ahead ~

Approximately an hour and a half since she's been stood there, waiting, doesn't know why, or what for, she's just been told to. Her friends, family, loved ones … her people are watching her intent on why she was there. The only ones left that she hadn't lost, she'd lost _so_ much, _so_ many.

She was stood outside Polis, facing the forest, a few metres before the tree line, a shallow blue incandescent light emanating from the phosphorescent plants illuminating the trees and shrubbery and scurrying animals.

The silence and stilled forest was disturbed from it's light slumber in the cool night air from rustling and grunts, heavy thumps and rustling of plants.

It came from directly infront of her, but she wouldn't move, she's too stubborn to move or flee, she had been told, been told to stay No. Matter. What.

The movements and grunts grew louder and soon the bristling black hairs of the Pauna emerged.

A few gasps were heard from behind her, a few quiet whimpers or screams from the children, soon to be quieted by there guardians. She stayed, unaltered as the Pauna stops once it had stumbled out into the open, glaring at the woman. Beady eyes raking over her filled form, calculating and cold to those who didn't know.

To those who didn't understand the symbol attached to it's forehead. Didn't understand why the woman hadn't gone screaming. Because they wouldn't understand, they don't want to and that's why she was stood there, because _she_ asked her to, No. Matter. What.

XOX

Present  ~ 

She barged in, closely missed by a bullet meant for her.

Titus lay shocked ion the floor, he hadn't expected Lexa to suddenly burst in. He hadn't recognised the amount of noise the Skai weapon emitted.

Clarke watched, barely able to contain the tears of relief that the metal had missed her.

Lexa was the first to snap out of her stupor. “Guards! Take Titus to incarceration.” Three guards stormed in grabbing the limp man and dragged him out. He looked to Clarke forlornly. He then glanced at his Commander and bowed his head ashamed.

Lexa swivelled to Murphy, who was still cowering behind the bed. “What is the relevance of your pressance?”

“He was just leaving, I found him in here tied to a chair.” She turned to Murphy, “Murphy go to the room five doors down to the left, stay there until I come to collect you or somebody else does.” He nods and scurries out not wanting to be around the two leaders any longer.

The doors closed leaving the two stood in the centre of the room watching the other. That's when she notices.

“You're bleeding.” Clarke steps forward and brings a hand to Lexa's side where black blood was slowly being absorbed into the fabric. She looked up to see Lexa's face unwavering, even as she added a little pressure to help stem the flow.

“It is but a scratch Klark, I have suffered worse.” She winced, Clarke had found the more tender area whilst pressing into it.

“Mmmhhh, sure you have, but it's still not good.” She guided the brunette to the bed, making her take her top off in the process. It was discarded by the side of the bed next to where Lexa was sat with Clarke between her legs.

“I will be right back.” She states after examining the wound, the bullet had torn a fairly large hole in her side, just below her ribcage.

She went to her room, to find Murphy sat on her bed looking around, he got up upon her entrance but she urged him to sit back down, before going to a cupboard not too far away and pulled out her small medical supply.

She closed the door again and headed back for Lexa. She opened the door to find Lexa prodding at her side and she rolled her eyes. “Are you intending on making it worse? You're already holey enough as it is.” Lexa smiled.

Clarke knelt infront of the woman telling her to hold her arm a certain way whilst she cleaned the wound, and then applied the healing salve she had acquired from Nyko, and then proceeded to hold a thick square of clean white cloth to it then wrapped bandages around her abdomen and lower back. She wrapped it once round her alternate shoulder to the injured side, making sure it stayed firmly in place knowing Lexa wouldn't take it slow.

The blonde patted the black trouser clad knee before standing and moving to the wash basin by the bed.

“Klark.” She hummed but didn't turn to face Lexa.

“Klark” She hummed again, opting to turn her head slightly to see Lexa moving towards her out of the corner of her eye. “Am I accepted?” Clarke took a moment to think, she definitely hadn't forgiven the Commander, but she could see why she'd done it. A leader's gotta lead.

She smiled and nodded, not wanting to say anything because she wasn't quite there, it had been an on the spot decision to kiss her, to fall into bed with her, affected by the fact that she had to leave soon; but it was well worth it to see her features soften, and the sharp lines and edges brought on by so much at such a young age.

She really was beautiful.

Lexa was now stood right beside her and leaned down to kiss her, a heartfelt 'I'm here', reassuring kiss that Clarke poured everything into.

She leaned their foreheads together, “Don't _ever_ , scare me like that again.” Lexa smiled and nodded, a single tear escaping the blonde.

“I must go.” She started pulling away. But before she could fuly pull away muscled arms wrapped around her and held her close, she sighed and burried her face into the crook of a tanned neck and wrapped her own arms around the woman stood infront of her.

“You can stay here?” She smiled, she wanted to stay, she did, but she didn't think Lexa's people would take too kindly to that.

“Your people wouldn't want me to. Take Titus for example.” Lexa frowned and shook her head.

“My people love you, Titus is one of a select few who know how much you affect me and my decisions.” The Commander blushed at the admission but Clarke smiled.

“I still wouldn't be accepted too well, I am Skaikru after all. The whole of one of the clans hates me, your consultant loathes me, lord knows who else despises me. It'd be safer for me to go Lex, for me and you.” Lexa shook her head again.

“I would not allow it Klark.” She thought for a second pulling away and holding her lover at arms length. “I will have you train. Trained by me and Indra. Mostly Indra for obvious reasons. She does not despise you.”

Clarke looked exasperatedly up at the brunette, “Lexa are you blind? She hates me.”

Lexa chuckles at her exaggeration and yet again, shakes her head, no. “She does not, she is just….outwardly negative to everyone. It is her nature as it is for you to be stubborn.”

“Hey.”

“It is true Skai Prisa.” Clarke smiles and leans back into hug the Heda.

“I could probably stay a little longer. Send Murphy instead. I will stay, under the guise of ambassador.” Lexa chuckles.

“That would work well, seeing as you are currently their ambassador anyway, you can also be our teacher to help us learn further into your culture and you ours.” Clarke nods.

“Okay, so, plan … I stay here, Murphy takes the horse instead. We should send him with a note.” Lexa nods and then moves to the screen to one side of the bed, disapears for a few short seconds befre reapearing with a role of parchment and a quill.

She hands them to Clarke who takes them to the table to one corner and sits down.

_Abby_

_I will be staying with The Commander as of a late decision concerning teachings, culture and matters concerning all thirteen clans._

_Defences are still going up and the only one to be traveling back is Murphy. Octavia should already have arrived._

_Please take care of my people and I cannot wait to see you again._

_Clarke._

And with that she folded it and stuffed it into the envolope Lexa had provided her and marched out the room and down the hallway, leaving Lexa still in her bindings in her own room.

“Murphy. You are to go now, take this with you and make sure it gets to my mother.” He nods, still not having said anything and follows her out of her room.

“Are you not coming too?” Clarke shakes her head.

“I am of more use here, what with the Ice clan and thirteen clans in conflict at the moment.” Murphy nods again and enters the lift. Clarke waits outside the doors and smiles. “It will be alright.”

His face is slack as the doors close, not trusting anything that is happening to him.

Clarke turns on her heel and heads back to Lexa's quarters, the guards parting allowing her entrance.

The doors close behind them and Clarke searches the room for Lexa, but she's no-where in sight. So, she makes her way to the drapes and draws them back allowing her a view of Polis and everything beyond.

She sighs as birds zip past lower down, the hustle and bustle of the busy streets below making it feel like they finally have peace, a counterfeit peace, but enough of a break for her to just feel and see.

She felt arms wrap around her waist and she hums as soft lips touch her neck. “Why can't we just not have war. Who thought war was a good idea?” Lexa hums, sending shivers down Clarke's spine.

“I f we could live in a time where war wasn't relevant or hardships then I would, and I'd take you with me.” Clarke turns her head slightly to press a kiss to the brown hair there.

“What would happen Lex? What would happen if we just...just disappeared. Lived somewhere where no-one could find us, where we could live our lives not in fear.”

“Then the world would go to ruin and we would end up dying anyway from another war, between all clans and leaders, even the outcasts and rejects would be involved.” Clarke nods and looks down, a slight commotion having brought her attention.

“Hey Lex do you see that?” She nods, having stood on her toes to see over Clarke's shoulder and down at one of her warriors who had recently galloped up to the tower and was now calling for his Heda. Whilst others tried to restrain him.

“Come.” Clarke looked behind her at the loss of the body pressed to hers and hurried after the retreating brunette.

They make it down to the bottom floor and out onto the courtyard in a matter of minutes.

The Heda gone up to the man, shouting at the guards to release their holds and stood squarely waiting for an explanation.

“ _Sorry Heda,_ _the male_ _pauna has been spotted.”_

“ _When and where?”_

“ _In the East past the first entrance, today.”_

She nods, taking a moment to think.

“ _Those of whom have knowledge of pauna hunting, follow._ ” With that she turns round and heads past Clarke but not before a quick 'follow me' was whispered to her.


	2. The pauna sees red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't be angry, it will get worse before it gets better.

 They had made their way up to Lexa's room, where servants were scurrying about collecting The Heda's full Commander attire.

 She stood at the centre of the room regally, letting the servants put the pieces of armour on her whilst talking to Clarke, knowing it was safe to do so. The servants were to not listen, because if they did listen it would end with their ears being cut off and then cast out to fend for themselves.

 "Klark, I want you to wear armour."

 "No, I've lasted this long without it, I don't need armour." Lexa glares at Clarke just as someone attaches the brace to her middle.

 "You are not weak Klark, wear armour." Clarke shakes her head and goes to sit on The Commander's bed. Crossing her arms like a sulking tot.

 They had just passed Lexa her pauldron, who then continues to buckle it over her shoulder, the red fabric billowing out. Then only audible sound were the laboured breaths of servants and the click of the buckle as it clipped into place.

 Her eyes burrowed into Clarke, "You are too stubborn." The blonde grinned and stood. " _Leave us_ ".

 The servants left and closed the doors behind them, not wanting to agitate The Heda. Clarke wandered closer to powerful figure infront of her, unaffected by the war paint , armour and swords attached to her back. She casually draped her arms over the metal shoulders, earning a response of warm hands holding her hips.

 She smiled, "I will be fine Heda." Lexa squinted, her senses mixed the way Clarke had said her title and the fingers gently massaging the back of her neck.

 She sighs and rests their foreheads together. "Stay safe....Ai...Ai hod yu in Klark." The arms draped over her shoulders tense, but soon relax as the blonde leans forward to kiss her.

 She draws back, "I love you too Lex." She smiles and puls away completely stepping to the side to allow Lexa passage to the door and then to her throne room.

 They make it to the room, the rooms atmosphere tense, with hushed conversations between each of it's occupants.There were about thirty or so, plenty to fight the mutant.

 Lexa enters, stops, looks round the now silent room then exits, with the room's occupants in pursuit of The Heda and Skai Prisa.

 Lexa and Clarke are the only ones to take the elevator, opting to spend more time alone if something goes seriously wrong. The female puana's are notoriously tough, but a male pauna. That's a different entity entirely.

First their shear size, at least two times bigger than the females, way more aggressive for their fighting instincts and they tend to use their teeth much more than the females, who are more likely to use their arms or feet.

 "Stay safe." Lexa smiles and kisses Clarke just before the elevator doors slide open.

 "Vice versa." And with that The Commander's back in place and Clarke has to become the thirteenth clan's ambassador again.

 The warriors mount up leaving The Heda and Clarke on the ground, with the blonde petting the black percheron mare's neck. Lexa mounts as graceful as ever and offers a hand to Clarke, taking everyone by surprise at the unusual gesture. "Am I allowed to do that?" Lexa smirks slightly, hiding it well from her people.

 "You are my partner are you not?" Clarke blushes and hesitantly nods trying to hide the red tint. "Then you ride with me." She nods and takes the offered hand.

 The massive horse is unfazed by twice the amount of weight, Clarke's arms wrapped round Lexa middle her chin resting just slightly on her shoulder; as they ride off, directed by the messenger, to the pauna's whereabouts.

 They get there by mid-day, stopping and dismounting when grunts and thumps are audible.

 Lexa looks reassuringly to Clarke before issuing orders to those around them.

Small groups split off and head out in all directions, aiming to circle the mutant and attack it from all sides.

Clarke stays by Lexa, not wanting to venture too far away from her, and the fact that Lexa wanted her to stay by her side; however surreptitious the move was.

They eventually come across the pauna, spotting the mass of muscle through gaps in the trees, it new something was wrong and was agitatedly looking around, it's sixth sense coming out to play.

They watch for a few more seconds before two of about seven groups leap forward and attack it.

The pauna sweeps it's arm round, taking out the majority of those who had jumped forward, the others noticing in time to scramble out of it's way.

The other groups step in to help, creating a horse shoe around it, the open side of the circle aimed away from Polis and back, further into the forest and wilderness.

It roars as everyone stops closing in on it. Lexa calls for bows to be drawn and Clarke upholsters her gun, not intending on using it.

They let their arrows fly, they land and only a few stick, protruding from the beast's muscles and fur like a nail in a block of wood. The pauna is angered by this, for obvious reasons.

It swivels round, facing away from the open side of the circle to face The Heda and Skai Prisa, who stood alone, separated by trees and shrubbery from her warriors. It glares at them, as if it knows who they are, like it's mind can register the red sash hanging from Lexa's pauldron.

The mutant gorilla charges, unmoved by the arrows and daggers now firmly embedded into it's sides.

Lexa draws her sword, her last attempt to keep the gorilla from stumbling up to Polis.

Clarke aims but by the time she's got a decent opening it had already reached Lexa.

“LEXA!”

“No….No!….Nonononono!” The blonde fires, four consecutive shots, two to the head, one to it's arm and one to it's side.

The thing finally stops, the bullet wounds slowly leaking deep crimson blood, but barely deep enough to majorly injure it. It looks to Clarke, who's stood there panting, tears streaming down her face as she looks at the limp form of the Commender.

It turns to her, The Heda's sword embedded in a forearm where it had swiped at her.

“GO!”, she steps forward, screaming at the mutant.

“GOOO!” She screams again.

She starts walking towards it firing and cursing and screaming and crying.

The bombardment of bullets forces the beast back, cowering from the impacts. It had seriously underestimated the human. It whimpers finally lumbering backwards away from the encroaching blonde and her hail of metal.

She screams a final time, causing the beast to run off, completely bypassing the warriors not swiped out by it's paws or maw.

She stares after it, shaking from the force of her sobs.

It was long gone by the time she looks down at Lexa, or what's left of her. It had bitten clean through the back and side of her neck and had taken off part of her shoulder too.

Clarke falls to her knees beside her body, completely besides herself with the loss of her lover.

She stares at the few centimetres of ground separating her from Lexa, her hands clenching on her thighs, as her head dips forward and her tears fall more freely.

The warriors around her stand in silence, allowing her the moment, giving her space. They were all slowly coming to terms with their late Commander's death. They finally have a good Heda, strong willed, loving to her people and above all passionate. Although not openly so, she did it in the actions of war and of peace, wanting the best for her people.

Two grounders step forward carrying a large piece of wood between them, their intent on being to pick her up. They get close before the find a shaking gun barrel trained on them and sharp red rimmed blue eye daring them to take another step. She growls when they stay where they are until they move back, back into the ring that had now formed round the blonde and their previous Commander.

 Clarke hicks from the excessive amount of shed tears and re-holsters her gun. She rolls Lexa onto her back, hiding the wound that had instantly killed her. Her eyes were open and Clarke closes them, resting a blackened hand on her cheek, it was still warm.

 Clarke angrily wipes at her eyes before looking up. " _Go to Polis, get Aden and the Nightbloods_." Two of them run off. She looks to another. _"Get the Heda's horse_." She nods and scampers off, in search of the black mare.

 The thumping of hooves sounds to the left of her and she looks up to see the woman running back with the horse trotting behind her. The woman stops just outside of the circle not wanting to anger the blonde, but she ends up irritating her for stopping and gets a glare; gesturing for her to come closer.

 Clarke stands taking the rains from the woman who quickly retreats, watching on with the others. As the Skai Prisa figured out how to get Lexa up there.

 She can vaguely recollect the things Lexa had told her the horse can do, from months of tedious repetitive work; things such as kneeling or lying down. So, using the rain she held onto she encouraged the horse to lie down. It does so with a huff and Clarke kneels back beside Lexa, wrapping her arms under her back and knees.

 She stands and sits her in the saddle, Clarke sitting behind the cooling woman and coaxes the horse to stand. It does so and Clarke struggles to keep a firm hold on Lexa, she corrects the jostled form infront of her, resting the lolling head on her shoulder and clicks the horse on.

 She's now caked in The Commander's black blood, but she doesn't care, she might as well have been on fire for all she cared, it would certainly ease the pain.

 Clarke notices the solemn bodies trudging along on all sides of the horse, heads bowed as they slowly made their way back to the city of dreams. The walls slowly creep into view, shouts could be heard as the welcome party start to realise why the figure in Clarke's arms is limp. The ones that had accompanied helped to carry those injured or unconscious.

 The gates swing open and Aden's stood there, the nightbloods surrounding him along with Indra and Nyko and a few others Clarke didn't recognise, probably healers.

 She travels through the gates, through the city allowing Polis' people to see their Commander, and those brave enough to face the pauna.

 By the time they reach the tower a large ring of people had gathered around the hunting party. She stops just before the steps and again, coaxes the horse to lay down. She does and Clarke slides off. She scoops Lexa back into her arms, her head and arm hanging limply, as she walks spatters of blood dot the floor and it takes everything within her power to not brake down again.

 She turns once she'd reached the top of the steps and looks at Aden. "Tell them Aden. Tell them she is dead, she died a warrior, protecting her people, the ones she loved." He nods and turns, taking up Lexa's posture, the nightbloods gathering on both sides of him.

 Clarke had made it inside before she heard the boy's voice carry out over the hundreds. Hear him staying strong, as a warrior and future leader should.

 She glares at the guards as they hesitate to let her pass. " _Allow me passage_." They take a little too long, so Clarke carries on walking until they had to move, she gets in the elevator and rests Lexa on it's floor, letting her hand cup the now cool cheek. "I love you".

 The elevator comes to a stop and Clarke picks Lexa back up, her muscles now burning from the exertion. She carries the woman to her throne room and places her at the foot of the throne's steps.

 She stays knelt beside Lexa, silently weeping as the black puddle grows ever bigger. Aden arrives soon, after probably having had to answer questions.

 He kneels next to Clarke, having asked the others to stay outside, and rests a hand on the sobbing blonde's back. SHe can't help but lean into his side as she finally comes to terms with her death.

 "This can't be it right? Right? She can't just die, she will see her again. She can't just leave, not after everything...everything we've been through." She turns to Aden slightly, tears still calving channels through the layers of dirt. "She can't just _go_."

 Aden smiles, "She hasn't gone Clarke. Her spirit is still in this world, just not a _part of_ it." Clarke frowns and sniffles. "Her body may be dead, but her spirit is still alive."

 He points to her neck, where the pauna had bitten, "Her spirit was there. The Commander spirit chose her and so joined with her spirit in her neck. She is still with us, just not able to communicate Clarke."

 Clarke's frown furrows further as she looks to Lexa's neck. "So...so I could have her back?" Aden nods.

 "In certain ways, yes."


	3. A doubtful surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very dirty and drunk

10:15, 52 Years ahead

 "Whatever happens, don't come after me. Trust me." Alex, 27, Abigail, 25, T-J, 25 and Bellatrix, 22 nod their heads unanimously. "If I don't come back Alex, look after them for me." They nod again, tears in their eyes.

 She smiles, hugs each of them in turn whispering reassurances and giving them an extra little squeeze on their arms before moving to the next.

 The Skai Prisa turns after looking at those behind her children, at Bellamy, Abby, Octavia and Lincoln, Raven and Echo, Monty and Miller. Monroe. The grounders, who after many months had finally come to respect her as one of their Hedas alongside Aden. She had grown close to Monroe, the only one able to keep up with the stubborn blonde when her life was falling apart every single year. It wasn't surprising they call her Wanheda, too many deaths, starting with Jasper, then Kane. One of her first children had passed and her wife, Bell had passed too.

 She takes her first step towards the edge of the forest, after recently stepping through the gates; she had asked for her people to stay behind the gates.

***

 Bellatrix watched as her mother took in a long shaking breath, settling her nerves. Her blonde hair had been passed down to her, but her curls came from the donor to Clarke.

 She was the shyest of all of her siblings and tended to stick to drawing and staying in quiet areas like a creek or meadow. After 23 years of peace, that her mother had shed blood, sweat and tears fighting for. To live without the worry of having war prominent or battles and bloodshed.

 The Griffin family for sure, would go down in history. In name of Clarke and Lexa, the love before her mum. The one Bellatrix's mother still has nightmares about.

 The blonde had gotten just over half way now, slowly walking closer to the forest, her arthritic hip doing mischief. But determined and pig-headed non-the-less.

 ***

 10:37p.m. 5 Years after the last Commander's death

 She can't help it, no matter how hard she tries, she can't not feel for the woman. Clarke had been in utter ruin after Lexa's death for three years, even now she still hasn't fully grieved, her duties as joint Heda getting in the way.

 She was lying in bed thinking of how to get out of the feeling, to get away from it. She's a mess, a great steaming pile of horse manure.

 She breathes in, filling her lungs with the cool air, the heavy musk of snuffed out candles and trees laden heavy. She closes her eyes, for a fraction of a second but it's enough for Lexa's face to appear. Fleetingly, smiling, of the one time she managed to portray her feelings.

  _Klark_

 She shoots up, looking around, panicking; surely she'd imagined it. The barely there whisper had got to be a joke.

  _Klark_

 No, she's definitely not imaging it. She looks around again, squinting into deep shadows trying to find the form to which the voice belonged. Her hopes were up, she can't be back, she can't be here?

 "...L-Lex?" She asks the open air. This was stupid, this has got to be her mind playing tricks. She closes her eyes again, and again she sees Lexa. Face flawless and young. Then the face moves, her lips curling and she gets angry, why is she seeing this, hearing this? It's cruel and uncalled for. She's done everything right, everything to the letter and the spirits decide to punish her?

_Klark. Calm_

 "No. No! This isn't real, I watched you die. This is my mind, my imagination playing tricks, you're not r-

  _Calm Klark._

 She stops talking, The brunette's soothing tone calming her, she shakes her head still in denial of Lexa _actually_ talking to her. Her focus on Lexa's face sharpens and it's like she'd stood right infront of her. But she daren't check incase she doesn't see her again.

_Listen to me. Let go Klark, let me go._

 "But, I'm not ready to. I can't" She whispered.

_You can Clarke, I am no longer apart of this world, let me go Klark. Fall in love, make your life, but don't forget me._

"I could never forget you Lex." She's crying now, her cheeks drenched with tears, ugly sobs escaping her throat. "How can I move on, I haven't had time."

_I have watched you from afar Klark, don't let me get in the way of you moving on time has passed, be in the now, the present, not the past_

 Clarke sniffles and shakes her head. She can't believe this is happening, this is surreal. Why now? Why at all? The image of Lexa shivers then vanishes, leaving Clarke on her own, sobbing her heart out late at night, trying to sort her emotions out.

 But she can't. Her heart won't allow it and so she cries, cries for minutes, hours, she can't remember. Octavia, who had been assigned as one of her guards for the night and previous day comes in. Having told the other to stay outside.

 She moves swiftly and silently to Clarke, shushing her, hugging her, comforting her. She sits beside the Skai Prisa who was still huddled partially nude under the furs and blanket. The bed moved from the force of Clarke's sobs, as she hung onto the back of Octavia's shirt.

 "She...Sh-she was here, she w-was here O. She spoke t-to me." Octavia frowned and pulled away slightly to look at the puffy, red face buried half way into her neck. "Le-lex, she was here. O, she was...she was here." She tried to emphasize her point by shaking the younger Blake's arms. Octavia's frown loosened a little, trying to understadn what Clarke meant.

 "She can't hav-"

 "She was!" Clarke tried to push Octavia away but couldn't do it from being too week to push her far enough. "She spoke to me, told me to 'let go'. how the _fuck_ am I meant to let go?" Octavia pulled the blonde back into her chest, hugging her tight.

 "I think she means to grieve, we're in a time of peace Clarke, let it out, do what you must. Grieve her and you will feel, so, much lighter." She feels a nod and a sniffle, but she doesn't let go, bot until she's fallen asleep, tears streaming down her cheeks.

 Octavia carefully wraps the blonde back under the furs and blanket, she then st next to her and brushed her fingers through the tangles in the golden locks.

***

1 week after Lexa had shown to Clarke 

"Where is she O!?" Bellamy was a determined fool. Always trying to do things he shouldn't or doing things, thinking it's the best way to go. "She can't keep walking off without telling anybody!" Octavia sighs and rolls her eyes, not moving away from the tent's entrance, although there were no occupants.

 "She deserves this Bellamy! You've had time to grieve, Jasper has, Raven has. Fuck, even I have, let her have this." Bellamy comes right up to Octavia, leaning down to get right in her face.

 "Back. Off!" Bellamy looks scared at this point, actually full on cowering. Octavia in war paint is much scarier then he remembers.

 He reluctantly steps back and looks down, ashamed of his actions. "She will be back before you know it. Trust me." He looks up and nods after a moment. "Now, what are you so eager to talk to her about? She said t come to me if matters get completely out of hand."

 He sighs. "I just, I...I love her O. I need to see her, it's killing me not being able to see her." The younger Blake frowns.

 "You do know she doesn't reciprocate those feelings right?" He frowns in return, and shakes his head.

 "No, she hasn't said anything about it, well at all." Octavia nods.

 "Mmhh-mhh, and why do you think that is?" She crosses her arms and cocks a hip. "She's got a thing for Bell."

 His jaw drops, arms going limp. "Never. But...but what about me?"

 "Bell, listen to me, she doesn't like you. You're like a brother to her like you are to me." He shakes his head, not wanting to hear it.

 "No, she should love me. I'm the one that's been there for her, I'm the one that helped her through hard times, I'm th-"

 "The what? the one who stood by Pike. Who held her captive after saying she left you, but she needed it. The guy that is self-centred and pig ignorant." He stares at her. "Thought so. Let her have this and leave her the fuck alone, otherwise the only thing you'll be seeing is my knuckles."

 With a huff he sharply turns and walks off, not wanting to agitate the short Skai Girl any further. She rolls her eyes again, typical, if he can't win he runs off and joins the winning side.

***

Two months and three days after speaking to Lexa

 "She's back!" Clarke had stumbled out of the shrubbery, caked in mud and leaves. She had a massive grin on her face as she stumbled forward into Octavia, the rest of the Skai people emerging from the huts and ark behind her.

 "She's a bit drunk too." The blonde giggles and looks reverently up at Octavia, wiping a mud caked hand down her cheek leaving a brown streak over her kohl.

 She hicks, "You know I love youuu right?" She slurs, leaning heavily on the shorter girl.

 "Heh, I love you too. Now, lets get inside before you cause yourself more mischief." Clarke shakes her head, gripping a little too hard on the forearm she had a hold of.

 "No, no. I need to change. I smell no nice." She drunkenly drops the death grip and tugs her coat and shirt over her head, leaving her in her bindings, bottoms and boots.

 "Clarke!" Octavia hurries to grab onto the blonde's wrists so she can't tug her trousers off. She looks up, eyes tearing.

 "But...but-" Her lip wobbles and she's on the verge of crying. Great, Clarke's a sad drunk.

 "How are you even drunk right now? Wait, no, no, ignore that." She watches Clarke look up at the clear blue sky, "Not that you were paying attention in the first place." She huffs.

 "Come on. Lets get you inside."The Skai Prisa leans down to undo her trouser buttons. "Clarke! Would you quit. It." She slaps her hands away from the buttons and half carries half drags the filthy blonde into her tent, away from the prying eyes of Skai people and grounders alike.

 Without waiting another second she shoves everything down in one violent jolt, the garments getting caught on her boots. She falls over.

 " _Clarke_." Octavia whines, not wanting to deal with a drunk. "Can you just... _wait_?" Clarke stops moving. "...Clarke." A loud snore cuts her short. The brunette sighs and tugs her boots off, along with her socks, trousers and pants. Before draping a blanket over her sleeping form and going back outside to grab Raven, who looks absolutely disgusted that she was the one to be grabbed.

 They stumble back into the tent to find no trace of Clarke. "Where'd she go? She was right there, under ... the ... blanket." Raven steps further into the Skai Prisa's tent, followed by Octavia.

 "Haayyaaa." The blonde leaps from the top of the cabinet close to the door, landing squarely on Raven before swiping a leg out, causing Octavia to fall on her back.

 "What the..." Clarke grins down at them, hands on hips, and starts dancing. Jerking her index fingers into the air, shouting 'pew, pew'.

 "Clarke. Would you calm the fuck down?" The girl finally stops and the other two get up, warily eyeing Clarke expecting her to do something out of the blue. They look at each other before casting their weary eyes back to the still blonde infront of them.

 "Clarke?" She picks up the blanket, walking gingerly to her. "Can you just...turn around." She does, she's crying again, she falls to her knees and sobs bringing filthy hands up to wipe furiously at the tears. "Hey, shhh, it's alright." She kneels next to her, draping the blanket over her shoulders and looking up at Raven, who was completely puzzled by her actions.

 "Yeah, shhh." She tries to help but just sounds awkward.

 "Raven could you arrange for a bath to be made please?" She nods and hurries out the tent, happy to not have to deal with the blonde mess on the floor. Who is now sleep sobbing.

 Her alcohol induced sleep makes her mumble incoherently. Mutters and murmurs to those she's lost. All you can do is feel for her, the amount of pain she's been through been forced through, been given; is more than the ones around her combined. She brushes a lock of matted blonde hair out of the way and watch as her face scrunches with the ghost of pain.

 "Shhh, it's alright Clarke. You're safe. Things will get better. I promise." She whispers, cradling the nude form whilst Raven comes back in, guiding others with buckets of hot water silently to the bath. She seems completely unharmed, just hella filthy and so, with the help of Harper, the younger Blake puts her in the bath, hoping to wash away more than just the dirt encrusted skin.


	4. A hardened mother

 20 years ahead of Lexa's death ~

 "No, no. This cannot be happening. Get Abby." The blonde had been walking, a nice relaxing stroll around the village, not venturing too far from her home and her now wife of seven years, when a sharp pain stabbed her in her side.

 It had been to painful to carry on walking and so she ended up sitting on a tree stump just outside the market stands. She had two guards accompanying her at a distance, making sure she didn't get into any bother.

 The guard left stood beside her checking her for injuries but she waved him off.

 A wetness between her legs drew her attention downwards and she saw blood, a lot of blood, too much blood. "Aargh" Her eyes squinted in agony, clasping the guards hand, if she had hurt him he didn't show it.

 "What is happening?" Another pained grunt from the blonde told the guard to not ask again.

 A few more minutes of pain filled silence, in the small reclusive area and she could hear hurrying footsteps. Abby appeared and her steps hurried up.

 She reached the Skai Prisa's side and placed a hand to her slightly swollen stomach. She looks up at the two guards, "We need to get her inside." They nod and each take a stiff arm and lift the blonde up. They walk her to the nearest hut stand and clear all the people out of it.

 Abby instructed for the guards to put her on the furs to one end of the hut. "Go get Bell and tell Raven to bring the first aid kit." They nod and scamper out of the room, leaving a sweating, panting blonde and her mother in their wake. Abby leans forward and moves a few blonde locks of her daughter's sweaty forehead; then reaches down to hold her hand tightly.

 "I'm scared mum." Abby casts a reassuring smile, although she knew straight away it won't be fine, so she tells a white lie to satiate her daughter.

 "You're going to be okay." A tear rolls down Clarke's cheek and Abby wipes it away with the pad of her thumb, Clarke reaches up and holds the hand there.

 "Will the baby be?" Abby sighs, she knew this question would pop up. "It's like it's a miscarriage, you can't let the baby die mum." Her fingers tighten around Abby's hand, fighting through the pain.

 The door's flung open revealing a woman in her late thirties, with short curly hair. "Clarke." She gasps running to her wife. The blonde doesn't let go of her mum's hand whilst the other searches for Bell's, they intertwine their fingers and Clarke brings the lightly tanned hand up to her paling cheek.

 "Raven come here." She complies after shutting the door properly and kneeling next to Abby on the other side of Clarke's bloodied legs. "We need to get her jeans off." Raven turns to the kit she'd brought and retrieved a pair of shears, she set about cutting the jeans glancing up every so often at Clarke and her wife; the blonde was in evident pain and that urged Raven to go faster, cutting faster until red legs appeared.

 Abby grabs them and throws them to one side, whilst Raven slid her knickers down. "Clarke, we need you to open your legs." She nods and grimaces as her knees fall apart, letting a rush of blood out.

 She gives Raven a few tablets, "take these, it should help with the pain." Clarke nods and swallows, coughing slightly from not used to having tablets.

 Abby sets to work after a couple of seconds, placing plenty of towels down around and under Clarke. Before she starts though she looks up to see Clarke passed out, her eyes rolled back into her head. The tablets have worked. "Abby, what's happening?" Bell asks, she's so close to braking down and just sobbing into the blonde's shoulder, too distressed from not knowing what was happening.

 "Clarke's having a miscarriage, we need to get the baby out before it, kills her." She's crestfallen, Clarke had been successfully inseminated on their second attempt, they had been over the moon when they finally found out, they even went for a celebratory dinner together.

 "But it's only been two months, it won't survive!" Raven says. Abby nods, "Yes, but do want a dead baby? or dead Clarke?" Raven reverts back into herself as she watches Abby. Her hands working like clockwork, trying to get the little life out.

XOX

  _Klark_?

She grunts, still groggy from the tablets she'd had. She peels her eyes open, looking up at the roof of the hut she'd been taken to, she tries to speak but her voice won't work.

_Hey, sshhh, I'm here. Stay calm Klark_

 She fully peels her eyes open and looks round, craning her neck as far as the stiff muscles would allow, her gaze settles on the features of Bell; she was fast asleep next to her on the bed of furs, her arm slung under her chest.

 "Lexa?" She whispers into the cool night air, she tries to move her legs but a pain in her lower abdomen stops her, making her gasp in discomfort. "Whe..where are you?"

  _Stop moving Klark, you had a miscarriage._

 "I what, that can't be possible, mum said the baby would be fine." She closes her eyes seeing Lexa's image smiling gently.

_She said that so you wouldn't panic. Klark it was a matter of you or the baby....I don't want to see you so soon, you have your life to live_

 A tear escapes the blonde as she comes to terms with the new information, yes she had suspected what the blood could have been, but she denied herself the truth, she didn't want to believe it. "I lost the baby." She gasped, her tears wouldn't fall, she wouldn't let them.

  _Yes_

 "But, but why, how? My body can't have just rejected it surely?" She sees Lexa shake her head.

_I do not know Klark, maybe the spirits did not like the man from which you conceived, or the day may have been too cool, too hot? Your body may have just not been fit enough to carry the child_

 "But my mum said ... she said 'you're fit an' healthy, don't over exert yourself'. I haven't over exerted myself. I've eaten everything I'm meant to I just. _Can't_ Lex, I can't cope." Clarke curls into the warm body next to her, tucking her head under the comforting chin.

_Do not fret too much Klark. You and your wife will birth two healthy children, you may end up with more_

 There was a glint in her eye, a mixed glint of ecstatic and love. Clarke couldn't help but smile, her eyes flickering to stay closed even though she was restless. "Will I see you again?"

_That is indefinite Klark_

 She smiles and Clarke gasps as her eyelids are forced open. "Clarke?" She turns to the woman beside smiling softly, she looks up at the blonde, running a lazy hand over her back. "How are you feeling?"

 The Skai Prisa's smile widens, "really sore, when did my mum and Raven go?" Bell sits up too, moving to sit behind the blonde so she can lean back.

 "A few hours ago my love." She pulls lightly on Clarke to get her to lean back. She starts drawing on the inside of her thigh. "They stayed for a while, to make sure you were okay. Abby said you hadn't taken those kinds of tablets before." Clarke frowns and shakes her head, moving to entwine their hands; she starts playing with the nimble fingers.

 "I'm guessing she'll come back to check on me?" She feels the woman behind her nod. "When?"

 She hums in contemplation, "when the sky is turning blue, and the stars are no longer shining." Clarke smiles, Bell has always been quite the poet. She squeezes the warm hand she'd gotten a hold of and sighs.

 

 1 day after Lexa's death ~

 "I would like it if you lead the ceremony." Clarke nods to Aden, looking at the nightbloods behind him. "We all loved her." Clarke nodded again, if she spoke the flood gates would open and she'd end up a sobbing mess, on the floor for the next week.

 She was a leader, she had to stay strong for her people, her people, always for her people, they're so dependant, they want everything, keep on demanding things from Clarke but she can only do so much.

 They held the ceremony at night, so the bonfire sporting Lexa's body would be seen for miles. The wooden platform she was on was at least the length of two and a half horses and twice as tall as Gustus' had been.

 She sets the wood and cloth on fire, face stern, but a boiling pot concealed inside. "Yu laik noun, fiyanes, en uf. Yu gonplei ste oden."

 She stands there for hours, the masses slowly disperses until it's just her, the bonfire and Aden left. She stares into the fire and embers, cursing everything she can think of, her, Lexa's stupidity, the Pauna, the warriors, the sword probably stll firmly wedged into the pauna's hide.

 She detects Aden turning to her, so she turns her head a fraction, still glaring at the fire. "She meant a lot to you." Clarke rolls her eyes - of course she did, she _loved_ her - but she nods her head.

_"_ **I would like to propose a deal Skai Prisa, you join me as joint stand in for the Heda, in return your people receive whatever they need, food, shelter, clothes, knowledge on survival with no trading for five months, you become part leader along with me to command the twelve clans and your people**." Clarke turns to him, eyes wide.

  **" _Is that even possible? surely the clans would see it as bias_**." Aden smiles a little, loosening his tight stance a bit too.

 " **They would, but it would make sense for you to join me, you have more than proven your capabilities to the clans and nightbloods as leader. If they do start a coo, they will have me and the other nightbloods to answer to**." Clarke nods, face firm and turns back to the fire.

 " **I would gladly accept your offer then Aden**." She sees him hold his arm out, she takes a few seconds to shake it, too engrossed in the burning barks and the billowing smoke and the way it danced in the wind on it's way up into the sky.

XOX 

 "She surely can't _still_ be out there?" Abby asks as Octavia enters the room she had been situated to in the Commander's tower.

 She nods, looking to the room's other occupants. "The only time's she's moved is to walk around the bonfire's ashes."

 Raven stands. "It's been two days now, she's not eaten, she's drunk little and spoken only to Aden! How is she doing it?"

 "I believe it's because she's still trying to grip to the idea that she's really gone." Everyone looks to Aden, who had entered so silently only Octavia had notices but didn't comment.

"She loved her, but she couldn't love her fully and now...now she's regretting not telling her." Kane said, looking down sorrowfully.

 There was a collective sigh in the room, half of it's occupants not realising she actually loved her. They still hated the previous Heda for betraying them, but the others could clearly see the affection the blonde had for the brunette, however hard she tried to hide it.

 "If she keeps this up her body won't retain the minerals it needs to survive." Murphy nods along with what Abby said.

 Footsteps could be heard, echoing off the many walls in the tower. A door slamming and then silence, the room of Skaikru fell silent along with it.

 After about and hour and a quarter they heard the door reopen and a lighter pattering of feet could be heard, chains could be heard jangling and a buckle was distinguishable amidst the heavy breathes from the Skaikru. " **Guards**!" A raspy voice called out, " **Accompany me to the training ring, you, get me Indra."**

 They all heard the stamping of feat as the guards set off to their tasks, again leaving them in silence and Clarke's feet, as they'd found out, could be heard retreating

 "Oh, nononono. That's not good."

 "What is is O?" She looks to Raven.

 "Clarke's going to training." Their eyes widen and the run for the door, knowing Clarke will push herself too far, in an empty stomach until she passes out and then will start again.

 "What's up with them?" Murphy jabs a finger in the direction the two girls had run. Abby glares at him, before standing and speed walking towards the door.

 "The thing that's 'up' is that Clarke is going to beat herself up." Kane follows her. "But she needs to get it out of her system, and it will be fruitless for Raven and O to discourage her." Kane nods.

 "So what do we do?"

 "We wait, until she finally gives up, which could take days. Get her to calm down, feed her, force her to stop and take a breath." Abby turns a corner in the tower, almost bumping into a few guards, who look at each other before heading on, avoiding the two Skaikru.

 "But she will be too stubborn to go through the grief to grieve properly at the moment. That could take months or even years." She looks to Kane, worry evident in her eyes for her daughter.

 "Abby, Clarke will see sense sooner or later, calm down." Abby nods.

 They'd almost completely made their way out to the training grounds. Grunts and metal on metal audible over the hustle and bustle of every day Polis life. She could hear Clarke shout, yelling at those she opposed. Her words in trigedasleng and illegible to Abby and Kane.

 They walk to a stand that looked out onto the training field itself.

 Clarke was twirling and deflecting in the middle of five grounders, three men, Indra and another woman. Clarke wielding double swords. two of the five grounders held spears and the other held a sword and dagger. Indra staying back a lot, watching with hawk eyes.

 The blonde had shed her blue jacket in exchange for wrapping Lexa's cloak around her shoulders, making it look like a cowl.

 Abby could see a permanent scowl set into Clarke's features, a scowl easy to hide behind and of concentration.

XOX

 It was two days and three hours before her first collapse from exhaustion.

 A week since she was able to stop the chain of 24/7 training and a month and two days before she was satisfied enough to stop her constant every day training. Another two week and three days before her diet consisted of more than just a few bites to eat in the morning and night.

 And hald a dozen months before she stopped crying herself to sleep, or falling asleep from sheer exhaustion.


	5. See you soon

 47 years Ahead of Lexa's death ~

 Clarke had just settles for the night, comfy and warm under the furs when Lexa speaks to her again; her image had shimmied it's way into Clarke's eyelids and the blonde can't help but smile.

 "Hello Lexa." A pause, of Lexa watching Clarke, a light, content smile on her face.

  _Klark_

 Their twin smiles grow. "Now, I know you only appear when something major happens." Lexa chuckles and shakes her head smiling.

_That is true, but I do so because the spirits only allow me to do so. If I were to constantly appear tou would start to form abnormalities and lose your memory_

 "So.....what's up?" Lexa's face turns a sullen, features straight.

 _I know you can feel them Klark. The call to you_ , cry _to you; they want you to listen to them, I want you to listen to them. When they come, and they will, I want you to head their warning's_

 Clarke frowns, trying to think of who or what she was referring to. She takes a bit too long so Lexa answers for her.

_The spirits Klark, they call for you. Let them guide you, it is not long now ai Hodnes (my love)_

 Lexa smiles and the Skai Prisa's frown softens a little. "long until what?" Lexa just keeps smiling, her shimmying form fading gradually. "Until what!?"

_Until we meet again_

 "What?!" But by then Lexa had fully defused and Clarke was left in silence yet again.

 What did she mean 'meet again' is she going to die? Is Lexa coming back? Is she going to become a permanent image? What! She can't just leave after saying that, it's not fair.

***

 That night Clarke's left distressed and pacing. She doesn't get an ounce of sleep until Abigail, one of her twins, comes to settle her three days later.

 A month after Lexa leaves her hanging, the first of the spirits guide her. Like a pull in the chest to go in a certain direction when out hunting; it tells her to split off from the group, to follow a specific trail, a trail she couldn't identify what animal had made. She had come across a shrine of sorts, made crudely out of wood, stones and a mix of mud. The shrine being similar to the head piece Lexa constantly wore. It was bigger than anything grounder made and looked virtually impossible to have been made without the use of pulleys and cables only the ark possessed.

XOX

 48 years ahead of Lexa's death ~

_Klark, keep listening, keep following, allow the spirits guidance on your life. I will see you soon_

 "Lexa? ...Lexa! LEXA! You can't just keep saying that, can't just leave me. Lexa! WHAT DO YOU MEAN LEXA?!" She starts to cry, silent tears glistening in the evening light.

 "Clarke, calm down." Her youngest, Bellatrix, comes in. She sits next to the blonde, placing a soothing hand on her back, she'd always been good at that, at calming people even when she was an 18 year old, rebel, who likes black and wears too much kohl and big clunky boots.

 "She spoke to me again Bell. She spoke to me and said she'll see me soon. She can't keep doing that. I can't keep listening to her." The Skai Prisa was now curled into her daughter's side, holding onto her sleepwear as she cried silently, not for the first time, into her neck. "She can't....she can't. What does she mean? Am I going to die? Is she coming back? I love her Bell, but she can't just... leave my like this." She lets a choked sob out and Bellatrix starts shushing her.

 Clarke's guards come into the room, worried about their joint Heda's safety. Her daughter waves them off, and they leave reluctantly.

 "I'm sure it will all make sense sooner or later mum, she wouldn't say it to hurt you or tease you." Clarke sniffles, nodding. "I'll stay with you tonight, but I must leave tomorrow, I have to speak to Indra and Raiko about battle tactics. My training's almost complete." Clarke looks up, her face a mess with tears and slobber as she smiles, clearly proud of her youngest.

 "Lexa would have loved you yongon. Just like your mother." Bellatrix smiles, her own eyes tearing up at the mention of her deceased mother.

 "If she does come back, I'm going to kick her ass the moment I see her for letting you get into this state." Clarke chuckles.

 "Now, we both know how that would end." Bellatrix nods and laughs.

 "Yes, with me on the floor and you pinning Lexa to the ground next to me." Clarke nods, smiling.

 "Correct." The blonde sniffles once more before clambering under the furs, holding one end open to let her daughter in. Clarke brakes the silence with a whisper into the brown locks infront of her. "She would have adored you you know. More so than me and your mother combined." Bellatrix chuckled before Clarke cuddled further into her daughter's chest ad neck sighing.

XOX

 50 and a half years ahead of Lexa's death ~

 The Skai Prisa had been walking round for a while now, just meeting and greeting those confident enough to approach her.

 The pull in her chest had grown over the years, getting stronger and stronger, it wasn't an unpleasant feeling, just a weird surprising one that one pulse every once in a while; which is bad if she's in a meeting and the pulse takes her by surprise and she yelps unintentionally. The blonde would end up rubbing a hand over her heart, soothing the pull a little and apologising.

 One of the more embarrassing times it had pulsed was when she was meeting with Luna of the boatkru and Indra, with a hand full of her boatmen discussing the topic of fish and seafood ready for the celebration of all the clans coming together, including the Skaikru.

 Luna had just started listing things they could provide and prepare for the festivities when a sharp pulse reverberated through her body, making the blonde jump forward in her seat and almost ended up sitting on the floor. The incredulous looks could only be laughed at a few years on, but at the time she had turned a bright red, too shocked to do anything but sit back on her seat and gesture for things to carry on; Aden looking curiously at her out of the corner of his eye.

 She had gotten back to her room in the tower, and just about to get into the nice hot bath her young hand maiden had prepared for her, when the pulse was too sharp, more like a stab than a pulse. She groaned out to the empty room, slipping into the bath and settling under the soothing ripples of water.

 She closed her eyes, waiting for the stabbing pulse to stop, or lessen, but before it did Lexa appeared and Clarke frowned. "Don't you dare say we'll 'meat again' as you so calmly put it before. D you have any idea how much that upset me Lex?"

 Lexa looked down at her toes, ashamed of leaving like that, but she really didn't have the time to stay any longer for chit-chat as Clarke had so eloquently put at one point.

_Klark, be patient, I know you can feel that pull_

 "It's not a pull any more Lex, it's like a stab, like someone's trying to ram a spade through my chest." She shifts uncomfortably, raising her elbows to the tubs sides, it does little but helps her breath a little more.

_It hurts now ai hodnes, but helps the spirits track you. Especially mine. It pulses to keep your spirit in sink with the rest of them, they are preparing you my love. It will be explained in time. I will indefinitely speak to you again, in a years time, see you soon_

 Clarke growls but Lexa's smile stays firmly in place as her image gently shimmers away.

 Clarke's mind is a mess as she scrubs herself clean, she'd gone too long without a proper wash and now she's feeling squeaky clean. She splashes about in the murky water until she gains the willpower to move.

 She stares at her reflection in the mirror in her room, she had it placed there not long after she met Bell.

 The Skai Prisa glares at the scar in her thigh, bad memories coming to her of the Azgeda

XOX

Thirty years ahead of Lexa's death ~

“ _Skai Prisa, the Azgeda have started marching North._ ” Clarke hums in contemplation, they must either send in a scouting party, including the blonde, to take Ontari out, send herself, Aden and the Skaikru guards to surround the army and shoot them down, call upon the eleven clans and Skaikru to march on Ontari and her army or send herself in to bait the Queen out of her hiding, into the open where her guards can take her down.

 The problems being either her and/or Aden getting killed, their army of clans getting slaughtered or Clarke's taken and used as leverage, which shouldn't happen, Clarke wouldn't allow it.

 She looks to Aden in the matching throne, " _What is your verdict Aden?_ " He squints for a second, thinking over what he will say.

  _"I should send the scouts in, it will be the most effective and the least casualties the better._ " Clarke nods; she turns to the messenger.

 " _Call the scout party, have them ready and waiting. I will follow in a moments notice._ " The messenger nods and takes off out the tent, Clarke turns back to Aden, he leans over the armrest and wraps an arm around the blonde, the Skaikru gesture taking her by surprise.

 " _Stay safe, I don't think I can rule the twelve clans and the Skaikru, it would be like controlling a pack of wolfs and a group of militarised toddlers._ " Clarke laughs and pulls back.

 " _I will be safe, stay safe, if I am killed you know to set the blockade up._ " He nods sternly, watching her put her kohl on.

 She had designed her own kohl markings, taking inspiration from her Wanheda title. She has the kohl around her eyes and across and down the bridge of her nose, giving her a skull like look. She had taken Lexa's trademark streaks and made the skull look to be crying. She steals her gaze at her reflection once she's done, nods to Aden then walks out.

 "I will come back Bell." She hugs her wife, pressing a kiss to the curl covered temple.

 "I hope you do, stay safe." Clarke smiles and kisses her.

 "May we meet again." Bell nods, trying to keep her tears under control as she watches her houmon walk off, ready to finally put an end to this war.

 She meats the scouting party of seven, already mounted and agitated. She's handed her black mare, it's coat and mane glistening in the fading sunlight. She mounts. " _I have gone over the plan many times, you know what to do, if I am taken or killed retreat immediately and revert to plan B. I wish you all luck, stay safe and stay light_." She gets a unanimous nod around her and the pomeranian. " _Gon Wor_!" They raise their fists before branching off and bolting through the trees, trying to keep the element of surprise.

 It's only a second before the Skai Prisa darts past and through tree as well, her target set. She knew and the scouts knew they wouldn't all make it out alive, they had accepted that in order to serve one of their Heda's. Their rule over the clans almost as great as Lexa's had been and if Ontari wanted to be rid of it, she would have to get through an army of grounders and Skaikru alike to get it.

 After a few hours the sun had completely set and it was now pitch black, the moon lighting up the mare's breaths and the chemiluminescent glow of the plants and flowers lighting up whole areas of trees and shrubbery.

 She stops just short of seeing the first signs of the Azgeda camp, the torch light bouncing off trees and the distant sound of chatter. Good they are unprepared.

 She dismounts and lets the horse wander, she knew it would come when called. The blonde climbs into the trees early to prevent detection as soon as possible, it takes a few minutes jumping and swinging from tree to tree, but she manages it, getting to one of the trees closest to the opening without being spotted from the ground, she sees the carefully aimed flashes of glass or mirror from the scouts and flashes back.

  They were prepared they would do this. She looks around the camp looking for the Queen's tent, it was obvious which one it was, covered in furs and bones, it was also the largest, as large as Lexa's tent had been.

 She spots it, closer to one of the four fire pits that were burning, two guards stood at it's entrance. It was closer o the edge of the forest than she had first anticipated and took a deep breath preparing for the worst.

 She signals the scouts she's going in, and jumps down, keeping close to shadows and out of any direct line of sight, which meant waiting for people and warriors to pass.

 Clarke attentively approaches one of the tent's many seems and listens carefully, if she got the timing wrong everything would go wrong.

 The voices were muffles but it was clear Ontari was speaking to a woman, no a girl, much, much younger than Clarke. She takes the chance and tears through the seem, thankfully it was a seem into the sleeping quarters of the tent and she crouches low.

 The Skai Prisa creeps towards the sleeping quarter's flap, it was a relatively thin fabric and could be seen through if up close. She scans the other half of the tent and spots the Queen in her throne, the young girl sat on a chair beside Ontari cutting up an apple. There was no-one else present in the room.

 Clarke drew her dagger and sword, the blonde burst through the fabric partition and threw her dagger at the girl's leg, she nailed the thigh and before Ontari could even shout she was pinned to the back of her throne with the sword pressed into her neck, drawing blood and a choked yelp escaped her.

 "You know, I thought you'd have been prepared for this kinda scenario." Clarke squints her worryingly unprepared victim. Ontari smiles, okay that's definitely worrying.

 "You think little Skai girl that I would be unprepared? You are weak to allow such fantasies." Clarke tightens her grip on the sword, shoving the woman back into the throne and looks towards the girl.

 She had retrieved the dagger from her leg and has shuffled a little further away. Clarke watches as she stands and ventures closer to the two in the throne.

 Clarke tried to get off the throne, whilst still holding Ontari's neck to her, but the dagger the girl had before impaled her own thigh and she yelped. Her grip tightened on the Queen but didn't cut her head off no. It was quite the opposite, when the blonde glanced down to her leg she felt Ontari move, grabbing her sword arm firmly and twisting until a resounding crack filled the air and Clarke's arm fell to her side, sword clattering to the ground.

 She grimaces and watches Ontari and the girl grin at each other. But when they do that the blonde takes the opportunity to grab the knife embedded in her thigh and nail Ontari in the throat. She starts gurgling and the girl watches on in horror.

 "Always ready, my arse she is." The girl turns to Clarke growling and scowling. Clarke growls back and brings her good arm up infront of her, angling her body just so that she can easily block any attack without using her damaged limbs.

 She runs, at Clarke, drawing a hidden knife from her boot and bringing it up to eye level. Clarke braces for the impact that never comes and instead opens her eyes to the pain of her dragging the knife down her already punctured thigh. She howls in pain, swiping at the girl who backs off.

 She finds the energy, from where she doesn't know, but she finds it and kicks the girl, hard enough to send her flying and out of the tent flaps, the sounds of struggling outside told her that the scouts had taken out a good portion of the Azgeda camp.

 She limps outside to find bloodshed everywhere, one of the two guards was lying dead on the floor, bleeding out of his neck the other struggling against one of her scouts. Bodies littered the floor but Clarke didn't have time to see any of them were one of her seven, instead she focused on the girl who was dragging herself away from Clarke.

 She smirks as she nears the girl, standing over her the she couldn't tell if the girl was afraid, scared, unaffected, indifferent or what. The flickering firelight not helping, she crouched over her, on instinct the girl lunges forward trying to grapple the Skai Prisa but ended up butting heads and both falling away clutching at their heads.

 Clarke's the first to recover however and just stares deep and long and hard into the girl, her war paint making the groaning girl shiver before she punched her, knocking her unconscious.

 She ties the girl's hands and legs before standing up and seeing what the damage was. Her scouts were either occupied or dead and a few azgeda were running away. There were around five scouts still alive and Clarke starts towards the first of the two that are dead, intent on carrying them for a proper send off using pyres. They would be given heroic pyres for the deeds they'd done today and Clarke would expect no less.

 She calls for one of the other scouts to help her with the other dead scout. It was Kali and Primro, Kali was one of Clarke's growing friends and Primro was one of her and Aden's generals, renowned for his scouting skills and throwing dagger aim.

 After she'd managed to drag Kali to an open space she instructed for two of the scouts to pick her up and another two pick Primro up. She searched for a stick of some sort to aid with her walking. The faster she can get back to camp the faster the pyres can be built, the faster the celebrations can start and her arm and leg can be set and healed correctly.

 She does exactly the same with the black mare then as she did when she was getting Lexa onto her, getting the horse to kneel, low enough for her to mount without too much pain. Her scouts cast wary eyes over her but she waved them away and wrapped a piece of Lexa's cloak around her arm to keep as still as possible.

 "We ride back now, Kali and Primro will receive a hero's end." The scouts nod and they set off, each of the two scouts sat infront of the others with Clarke leading them back, proud they had defeated the Azgeda and their Queen. The Heda's position safe for now.


	6. butchered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING AND MENTIONS OF CHILD ABUSE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I's been a while, again TRIGER WARNING AND MENTIONS OF NON-CON. It will all make sense soon, I promise.

 The night after the Azgeda defeat ~

 After having her leg and shoulder treated, Clarke had gone back to her room in the Heda's tower. She decided to forgo speaking with anyone, Aden had agreed after seeing the state she was in and the fact that she had literally just killed the Ice Queen; definitely deserved her rest for the night.

 When she stepped through the door she was met by a bear hug from three arms at waist height and a pair of arms wrapped round her neck. She groaned from their hugs and they immediately backed off.

 "You're hurt." Alex, always the one to point out the obvious.

 "Yes, but alive." She sighed and looked up to Bell who was crying and sniffling, trying to discretely wipe away her tears. She looks down t her swollen stomach and rubbed it, letting one hand rest ontop of the bump and one underneath.

 "You hear that, you're mum's still here." She sobbed out.

 The blonde walked forward and wrapped her wife in her arms, kissing her neck soothingly. "I don't plan on leaving any time soon Bell." She felt a wet chuckle as the other woman's arms wrapped round her and the three shorter pairs wrapped around their waists.

 "Come on, go to bed. I'm absolutely filthy, so I will take a bath." She feels four heads nod and she chuckles, they step back and the three children run to the bed whilst the blonde slides her hands down Bells arms before placing them on the bump and kissing Bell on the cheek. She smiles and then makes her way into the bathroom where a bath was ready and waiting for her to sink into.

 The excitement that came after seeing so much death and being caked in mud and gore and lord knows what else, was that of a giddy nature. She stripped and climbed in, after taking her bandages off, with a stupid grin on her face.

 She couldn't help the groan that escaped her and relaxed back into the hot water and bubbles, allowing herself to de-tense and let the frustrations be soaked away.

 Not ten minutes later and she heard her.

_Klark, I am proud_

 "Proud of what?" She whispered into the warm air, she looked into one of the free standing mirrors at the foot of the bath.

_Is it not clear? You defeated the Ice Queen, you defeated Nia. She can no longer terrorise the clans, she can no longer terrorise you_

 Clarke smiles and looks down at the bubbles, swiping them across the surface with her uninjured arm. She wiggles her toes before looking back up to the mirror.

 Lexa was stood there, watching her; stood behind her bath tub, watching her, watching her reactions, instead of Clarke closing her eyes and just being able to see her head. The blonde hurriedly turned around in the tub, sloshing water and suds everywhere in her haste to find .. nothing. Just a cold white wall and no Lexa.

 She turned back round slowly to find Lexa still stood there. It was then that she noticed the brunette's lack of clothes and blushed slightly and licked her lips on instinct. "Well, I hadn't expected that." The previous Heda grinned, standing with her arms behind her back and feet spread like she would have done when The Commander.

_Do not be embarrassed Klark, you have seen it all before_

 A devilish grin spread out over her face at how flustered Clarke was getting. With a huff, Clarke averted her eyes and crossed her arms, pouting. "Your unpredicted appearances are getting quite suspicious you know." Lexa raises an eyebrow, her grin remaining.

_Yes, that is true, however I am here on a more...positive note_

 Clarke frowns and leans forward slightly, intent on what she has to say next.

_You have fought hard, very hard. I wish to show you what you will earn, what this battle has brought you. what your life can and will en-tale. Live for the moment Klark, or it will come back and bite you_

 The blonde frowns further before her head's forced back, pushing the rest of her back into the tub back and further sloshing the water.

 When she opens her eyes again, she's no longer looking at the bathroom ceiling but at a blue sky, doted with white fluffy clouds and birds darting about. She struggles to lift her head as it has gotten quite a bit heavier. The first thing she spies is a large tree, old and withered, leaning slightly with it's green leaves and pastel pink flowers fluttering lightly in the wind. She could hear laughter and chatter and the occasional bird song as her gaze wandered.

 It travelled from the tree to the silhouettes sat underneath, there were six figures in total, two obviously much older than the other four.

 Her sight focused a bit more at the figures in the tree's shadow, letting her make out dim colours and textures. One of them was her! with Bell...and the children. Three of them, the oldest were facing her and Bell, the fourth facing away. That must be the child growing within her wife in the present.

 Clarke smiled at the sight, they were happy, finally, well and truly happy, she can see herself laugh before she hears Lexa again.

_Let this be what keeps you motivated, allow yourself some freedoms. I will see you soon._

 With that the image tapers off and she's jolted back to reality, not enough water left to slosh everywhere this time.

 Clarke's breathing hard and she can feel her heart racing, did she really just see that? Would they really have peace now or is this just the eye of the storm?

 "Clarke?" muffled Bell, she was concerned and she should be, Clarke's been in the bath for over half an hour by now, at least.

 "I'll be out in a bit Bell, just super filthy." She hears a chuckle before foot steps pad away from the door and Clarke's left to her own devices.

 She finishes scrubbing her nails before stepping out stiffly and drying her hair. She looks in the mirror at her battered and bruised body, all the cuts, scrapes, the soon to be scar on her thigh and her dark eyes. They were what caused the blonde to gasp, her eyes had looked sunken and the skin around them wrinkled, clear she hadn't slept properly in a good few days.

 With one final sigh and thorough rub of the soft white towel she puts her sling back on and reapplies the bandages and gauze.

 She grabs one of the long loose shirts kept in the bathroom's side cabinet, tugs it on and makes her way towards her family, eager to settle down and just feel. Let their presence seep into her, relax her, calm her, like the bath had done but mentally.

 Bell had lain down with all three of them tucked into her arms with T-J, one of the twins, lying half way across her hip. Clarke smirked and crawled in, tucking herself behind the kids and kissing Bell on the forehead before lifting the furs and blanket over her little family. Lexa would be proud.

XOX

 40 years ahead of Lexa's death ~

 "Mummy!" A little giggle followed soon after and the pitter pattering of small feet came down the hallway.

 The Skai Prisa grins over at her wife, who was lain curled into her side, whilst Clarke trailed light finger tips over her back. "Mummy!" A head bobbed about, racing towards their king size bed.

 The little girl jumped up and started bouncing about the rumpled furs. "GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT!" Clarke chuckled.

 "What?"

 "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!" She let out a full bellied laugh and started jumping from one side of her mums to the other. Soon their other children careened into the room and too, started bounding about the bed jostling the two women still lying there.

 "Yes Bellatrix, and how old will you be?" Bell asked.

 Bellatrix stopped and frowned, looked down at her fingers and started counting the fingers up until she was left with ten. She showed her palms to her parents and squealed. "Imma be ten, Imma be ten." She giggled again and Alex hugged her making her giggle harder.

 "Well then, you're a big grown up now." All of the children laugh and Clarke ruffles their hair. "Now, go and get dressed, we're going somewhere special." Bellatrix's eyes lit up and Clarke smiled warmly at her. She scampered off, closely followed by her brother and sisters.

 Bell laughs and Clarke cuddles her wife closer and giggles. "What will we do with her?" She shakes her head happily before getting up and stretching, her joints cracking and muscles stretching.

 Over the past few years of constant training and fighting her muscles had developed and defined under her pale skin; Bell often made it known how much she appreciated them, constantly drawing patterns into her back and stomach with her fingers.

 Clarke grins down at her wife, who was lain out gawking at her, mouth hung slightly open. The blonde woman only wore pyjama shorts, and short ones at that.

 She swoops down and steels a kiss before walking to their bathroom to get ready.

***

 Clarke smiled at her wife whilst she was rooting around in the hamper they'd brought, searching for the bread and cheese Clarke had packed.

 The children were playing different games, like a sailor and tag.

 "Hey, Clarke, could you grab the plates please?" Clarke smiled at her wife and nodded, leaning to the additional bag next to her. She rummaged for a few seconds until she felt the cold surfaces and she smiled.

 But, just as she was pulling the pottery out of the bag her sixth sense started ringing and she looked up.

 There it was, ever so faint, but there, she gasped causing Bell to look up at her. Stood a good few metres away was a silhouette, of Lexa, exactly where she'd been stood that night ten years ago.

 However the moment the blonde blinked the faint outline was gone.

 "..arke. Clarke" She was brought out of her revere when a hand rested on her shoulder and she shot upright.

 "Sorry Bell, I thought I saw something." Bell smiled knowingly and gestured to the plates that were still in the Skai Prisa's death grip. She immediately let go when her houmon gently took hold of the porcelain and smiled further, reassuring Clarke.

 Their children had started running round, playing a variation of tag while their mums watched on, whispering to each other and giggling every so often. Their reality was perfect, it was a clear day, only a few clouds in sight, birds were tweeting, the wind was calm and nothing had gone wrong in the past few weeks to concern Clarke enough to draw her attention to her duties as joint Heda with Aiden.

 That is until five months later ~ 7:22pm

 The sun's setting and Clarke's worried pacing comes to an abrupt halt as a messenger comes running through the throne room's doors, sweat poring down his face, the guards behind him looking equally as worried.

 " _Speak"_ Blood pounds through my ears, drowning out his laboured breaths. _"SPEAK!"_

_"..S-she's be-en-n, kk-k-killed. A-assassssinated."_

_"By who?!"_

_"I don't kn-now_ " the blonde slams her fist into one of the two large hard-wood tables placed on either side of the room, rattling it, it's legs nearly buckling from the force she hit it with.

 She walks to one end of it, leaning heavily on the corners before growling and flipping it. She kicks it and it slides to a stop just infront of the boy.

 The Skai Prisa growls out a low *go* before turning to the other table and flipping that one too.

 She strides out of the throne room, blue sash trailing behind her, blonde hair flowing like a main and eyes set with un-shed tears, anger boiling hotly beneath, a glimpse of her rage. Wanheda will make an appearance that night, whether she wants her to or not, she will, and all hell will be let loose.

 Furious, she barges through the Heda's tower's lower chamber doors, where the worst of the worst criminals lurk. Awaiting judgement; which is inevitably death.

 She growls at those latched onto the bars, inquisitive looks being passed between them, but scampering back into the shadows when she passes. Her wrath rolling off her in waves.

 She stops suddenly at one particular cell, one with a hulk of a man sat on his bench, watching her intently. Clarke turns, sharply. Glaring at him, and even he, this mass of muscle can't help but flinch as her glares placed upon him. "Felix!" She hisses, letting the 'x' roll off her tongue like a snake. A gesture to one of the five guards and the cage gate's opened and she watches as his apple bobs from the nervous swallow.

 She stalks forward, growling. He'd been sat upright before but now, now he was cowering in the corner, his sweating back pressed against the cool mossy stone. Wanheda grabs him by the shirt, hauls him to his feet then yanks, bringing him to bow down enough to be level with her.

 She grins before jerking him out of the cell and shoving him against a wall. "Stay" He gulps and Clarke takes that as enough of a comply to carry on.

 Clarke then travels two cells down, her teeth gnashing at those behind bars. She stops again, just as abruptly but turns left this time and comes face to face with a scowling stick of a woman, half her face is missing, as are her teeth, the ones left are brown and black from decay. Her hair in straggles, hanging in greasy curtains across her scarred face and her clothes hanging off her bony frame. "Suki" Her scowl fades into horror as the Skai Prisa addresses her.

 With a quick flick of a pale wrist, the next gate's opened and Suki's flung out into the corridor slightly more forcefully than Felix had been. She too is commanded to stay put as Clarke carries on walking.

 The underground to the building lain out completely differently to the tower's levels above ground. It's a box, with long lengths of corridors lined with exactly the same cages and mossy stone walls and floors.

 Clarke, this time, had travelled almost the whole length of the corridor before skidding to a stop infront of one of the worst kept cages in the whole complex. She flexes her jaw, fingers and neck before tilting her head to the side to look into the cage, in it was a man.

 A man of average height, slightly more muscular build and one eye. A man with so many scars and wounds that he looked like Frankenstein's monster from one of the books she read up on the Ark. His skin was a sickly yellow in places and his hand permanently clawed from what must have been a brawl.

 This man, this mix and match bloke just stared right back in defiance at Clarke. She grins, she's going to have fun getting this one out. Another flex of the wrist and the gate swings open, leaving nothing between her and the man.

 Clarke looms forward, letting her presence take over the air in the cell and watches as the man's fingers twitch. She growls, squints and lunges, letting ehr hand connect with his jaw. He stumbles backwards shocked.

 "Out!" The blonde wrenches him out by the scruff of his neck and kicks his knees out from under him, managing to dislocate one knee cap and seriously bruising the other, he cries out in pain.

 She paces round to his front, inspecting his sorry state before grabbing his face and gouging his other eye out, blood trailing down her wrist and onto the floor bellow.

 His howls fill the tower, being heard far and wide outside. Everything's deathly silent as she carries on butchering him.

 "Do you know *she directs a punch to his shoulder, strategically dislocating it* why I'm doing this?" She calmly states as she cracks his femur breaks one of his elbows.

 He slumps forward when the blonde finally gives him a reprieve, his breathes jagged and laboured. She punches him in the stomach "ANSWER ME" He coughs up a glob of blood and spits it to the side before tilting his head up to Clarke and nods, blood and gunk trailing down his face from the dead eye.

 She grabs the back of his head and tugs backwards, baring his neck to her. "Tell me why." He gulps.

 "B-because...I-I ...I ki-kill-" - "WRONG" She screams, dealing another blow to his stomach and ribs.

 "Because I-I raped someone" Clarke yanks his head back further, causing him to unbalance. "BECAUSE I RAPED A CHILD!" He finally screams at no-one. Clarke nods and pats his cheek. "Good boy. Now I want you to get up." She demands.

 He complies and groans as his bruised knee almost gives out, his other not being any use what-so-ever. He reverts to using the wall, and just as he's about stood upright the blonde smashes his head into the wall, cracking his skull killing him. She stands above his limp form, blood coating her and the walls and pooling on the floor.

 She turns on her heel and heads back to the two now cowering so harshly she can see them shaking in the flickering torch light. The Skai Prisa eventually jolts to a stop directly infront of the woman, who's crying and whimpering from watching the horror that is Wanheda.

 "So, Suki. Tell me, what did you do to end up here?" Clarke arches an eyebrow as she waits for a reply, which wasn't coming early enough so she decided to speed it up alittle bit.

 She steps forward, almost completely pressed against the older woman, her rancid breath putting hairs on Clarke chest and making her eyes water. She directs a hard jab to the woman's thigh, jut above her knee, making it buckle.

 The woman cries out and slumps slightly against the wall. "I murdered a man." Clarke scowls and Suki knows exactly what she's done wrong before She's knocked to the side from the force of Clarke's kick to her hip.

 She puts her hands up in defence and cried harder. "I killed my husband." She lets a harsh sob wrack her body.

 "Why?" Clarke crouches down infront of the woman, tilting her head inquisitively.

 "B-because h-he wouldn't let me go" Clarke grabs her wrist and twists to snapping point but doesn't follow through. She whales out before stuttering another, more suitable answer; "wouldn't let me take part in the fight shows."

 Clarke frowns and lessens her hold in the woman's wrist. "Fight shows?"

 "The illegal ones, that take place i-in the u-ups-tairs of the Boars Head pub." She states. Clarke takes pity on her and moves to rest her hands on the woman's cheeks, offering a fake sanctity of a soft thumb caress before her head's jarred to the right, breaking her neck and severing her spine.

 Clarke scowls again before slowly standing up and heading to the last man, who's wringing his hands infront of him, whilst trying with all his might to not look at the horrors of Wanheda's wrath. She stands infront of him much like Suki and waits.

 Her scowl and anger making him cast his eyes down, but it doesn't feel like her won't burn to a cinder if he doesn't completely look away and instead turns his head to the side where he could easily see the previous man and Suki.

 The blonde lets him look, lets him absorb the horrors that will haunt him for the rest of his days. She waits about three minutes before her anger boils back to the surface and she slaps him. "Look at me." She uses a soft tone.

 He doesn't respond, too cowardly to do as she commands, so she decides to bring him down to her height for a bit and draws her dagger; crouches smoothly and drags across the backs of his knees, cutting the tendons and forcing him to fall to sit on his legs. He screams before getting it back under control and looking a the blonde.

 "Now Felix, now that I have your attention and you've witnessed the other two, you know the drill. Why are you here?"

 He whimpers before responding "I killed the man that I was trading with because he didn't trade fairly." Clarke raises an eyebrow before inspecting her knife. "H-he was a-an ice trader." Clarke's eye flick from the knife to him and hums.

 "They don't have much ice this time of year, do they?" She swoops down, inches from his face. She points the knife to just under his breast tissue and slowly digging, "Do. They?" He shakes his head abruptly, causing the blade to sink just that bit deeper.

 SHe finally takes pity on him and keeps, slowly pushing the blade further until he takes his last breath and slumps against the wall.

 SHe strides out of the tower cells, her blood lust not yet satisfied to calm her anger and sadness of losing yet another love.


	7. Spirits of a lifetime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's eye opening thoughts, Lexa, Lexa, Pauna and Lexa

_Klark! Stop. Can you not see how my people see you?_

 The enraged blonde blinks and frowns. She bores holes into the whimpering man beneath her.

_Look up Klark, see what they do_

 She does and gasps; those surrounding her are watching her with horror, with terror. She's a tyrant.

 The blonde drops the man, blood returning to her knuckles as her death grip vanishes.

_Look around, this is not what you want them to see_

 "Oh...Lexa." She whimpers. "What have I done?" She looks back down to the man, who's face is unrecognisable from the swollen bruises and blood poring from his mouth, nostril and temple.

_Look behind you Klark, look at your children._

 The blonde refuses. She visibly shakes her head.

_LOOK AT THEM_

 A silent tear escapes as she takes a steadying breath and slowly turns to face her kids. There, stood in fear are her four children. Bellatrix visibly shaking from fright.

 "Oh, Bella." She takes a step towards them but they take a step back and she collapses onto her knees; starting to sob. "Please, _please_ don't see me like this." Young Bellatrix shakes her head and buries her face into T-J's neck, the older sister comforting her.

 Clarke looks down at her filthy, bloodied hands through tear filled eyes, she blinks and the tears are released; out comes her pent up anger, loss and insanity, she mourns for everyone lost under her reign, from being a part of her life, from knowing her. Lexa, Bell, even Aiden was almost lost.

 The blonde Heda falls forward onto her hands and digs her nails into the cool dirt, letting her sobs ring out into the still, quiet air. How could she be so stupid.

 No sooner had she started sobbing than she felt three pairs of arms wrap around her, trying to help sooth her agony. She holds onto one of the arms wrapped under her shoulders and holds on for dear life.

 Clarke looks up, through a bloodied blonde curtain of hair to see her youngest knelt infront of her, tears mimicked in the girl's eyes and Clarke asks for forgiveness.

 Bellatrix hesitates for a second before she nods that forgiveness and too, wraps her nomon up in a hug, helping to sooth some of her shattered heart.

 She feels as Lexa retreats back into the shadows of her mind, giving her the space and freedom to mourn properly, to be comforted by those around her.

 Soon the brunette thinks, soon.

XOX

 51 years ahead of Lexa's death~

 A cloudy, wet night, the moon's reached it's highest peak and everyone’s asleep, except for guards and night owls.

  _Klark_

 "Lexa?"

  _Yes_

 "Why haven't you spoken to me?"

_I haven't been able to my love; but you must listen carefully, a war is brewing Klark, death and destruction is inevitable_

 "Wha-"

_I do not have enough time to explain, all will be revealed soon enough. On exactly the 3rd week from the first day of winter, I want you to walk to the tree line, exactly where I died. Wait there Klark, no sooner and no later, go at sunset and wait._

 "But!"

_No Klark, just go, do_ not _question. I will see you soon my love_

 "Wait, no, Wait! LEXA, COME BACK. LEX." The blonde wakes herself with her forceful sobbing.

 She furls herself into the furs of her bed, that used be Lexa's, then hers and Bells, and now just hers. She sobs and sobs and sobs, until she can sob no more and even then she sobs.

XOX

 10:50, 52 years ahead of Lexa's death~

 "I love all three of you, now, whatever happens, what do you do?"

 "Nothing, stay back and watch." They say in unison, the demand having been drilled into them. Clarke nods and brushes each of their cheeks.

 "It will probably most likely, all turn out fine. But if it doesn't stay put. My guards will keep everyone else at bay, when they notice you four not responding they will comply. Yes?"

 They nod. "Good. I will be back before you know it." She smiles sadly at her children, taking them each into a bear like hug.

 She finishes hugging Bellatrix and smiles one last time before she turns her back to them and exits the tower knowing her children will obediently follow.

 It takes her five minutes to walk to the spot Lexa designated just under a year ago, looking out into the creepy darkness of the trees in the fading light. She shivers, starting to feel the encroaching cold.

 The bioiluminescent plants starting to blink to life as the woods gradually get darker and darker with each passing second, until the only way people can see the blonde Heda is from the unnatural glow from the forest.

 The silence and stilled forest is disturbed from it's light slumber in the cool night air from rustling and grunts, heavy thumps and the forced movement of nature.

 It came from directly in-front of her, but she wouldn't move, she's too stubborn to move or flee, she had been told, been told to stay No. Matter. What.

 The movements and grunts grew louder and soon the bristling black hairs of the Pauna emerge, like a creature from hell itself had appeared.

 A few gasps were heard from behind her, a few quiet whimpers or screams from the children, soon to be quieted by their guardians. She stays, unaltered as the Pauna stops once it had stumbled out into the open, glaring at the woman. Beady eyes raking over her filled form, calculating and cold to those who didn't know.

 To those who didn't understand the symbol attached to it's forehead. Didn't understand why the woman hadn't gone screaming. Because they wouldn't understand, they don't want to and that's why she was stood there, because _she_ asked her to, No. Matter. What.

  _Klark_

 SHe knows, she just knows it's her. She sighs and smiles at the beast. "Lexa."

_Don't move_

 "Why would I?"

_Promise me my love, no matter how scary it gets, don't move. Don't back out_

 Clarke physically shakes her head at the mutated Gorilla. Before shouting out loud, "I won't move!"

_Don't move_

 "I won't

_Don't_

 "Won't." And with that chant being passed between them mentally, the Pauna rocks forward onto it's arms from where had been standing on it's hind legs. It's steps go from a walk pace to out right running, straight at her.

 Clarke steadies her breath as the thundering of feet and fists approach faster than she thought. The distance between them decreasing rapidly, the grunts and huffs from the beast doing much to her thundering heart.

_Klark! Embrace it_

 "I will!" She cries out into the pauna's face, before flinging her arms wide open, just in time for the great beast to dive into the blonde.

 But instead of it ramming her over, and squishing her flat, she absorbs it. God damn absorbs it, light spilling out wherever the pauna enters her, right up until the last little finger has vanished and in it's place is nothing, just one quivering blonde as she falls to her knees unconscious.

XOX

 "Klark" The brunette runs forward to embrace her love, sweeping her off her feet and spinning her around in circles. All the while Clarke's laughing and clinging right back tightly onto her shoulders.

 "I've missed you Lex." Lexa finally stops spinning themselves around and gracefully places the blonde back on her feet and draws back enough to just about see the Skai Prisa's features. She runs a tentative, almost disbelieving finger down a rosy cheek, taught from the wide smile the blonde's giving her.

 "And I you, Klark." The finger that had been trailing along her cheek comes to rest under a smooth jaw to tilt her head up; she leans down to kiss the woman and she feels a large grin overtake the kiss until they can no longer continue the ehated exchange due to the answering grins they wear.

 "Come, we have much to discuss. But first, I would like to be reacquainted with my bonded." Klark gives an answering smirk and takes the offered hand.

XOX

 "Is she okay?"

 "Yes, she will be, whatever has just happened, has obviously exhausted her."

 "Wait! Wait! Look." Abigail, the oldest of the twins points to her mother's face. They watch enraptured as wrinkles smooth out and the hard set of sorrow's firmed itself back into the hard set of determination.

 Her almost constantly furrowed brow works itself back into a relaxed line, letting the sunken eye sockets dissipate.

 Her once slender shoulders broaden and her arms lengthen. Bellatrix gasps as she watches her mother's feet, in tight leather shoes, turn into larger versions of hands and rip the shoes apart, leaving the stiffened leather in tatters around her lower hands. But her - now hands - don't stay for long, as they are drawn back from the tatters by shortening legs and bent knees.

 At her temples, where her hair used to be a sunny blonde, on one side is a single tuft of short black hair, and the other long brown curls.

 "Alex, could you be a dear and go get your uncle Lincoln?" The eldest of the four nods and scurries off to do as his Nan says.

 Abby had already whipped out a stethoscope and listened to her daughter's heart, checked her pupils and counted her breaths. Nothing seems to have affected the blonde except for the changes to actually improve her health, quite considerably in fact.

 "What's the matter Abby?" Lincoln appears, along with Echo.

 "I need you two to help me take her inside, out of the cold." The pair nod and help Alex lift the blonde up. They take her into the closest, closed off room in the tower and monitor her there; Abby continuing to carry out small tests, like reflex on her feet - or now, hands - and seeing if she bends her fingers.

XOX

 It was weird reconnecting in the place they did, in the way they did, in the bed they were in.

 Clarke sighs contentedly, idly drawing patterns into Lexa's stomach, whilst the brunette runs her fingers through the blonde tresses.

 "What is happening Lexie? What war is coming?" Lexa sighs and shuffles around a little to look Clarke in the eye.

 "Those of the farm station are plotting my love; they believe my people...our people, to be vermin. I wish this were not true, but my years accompanying the pauna on it's venturing has taught me much; I've learnt the hoarding of weapons that have supposedly gone 'missing', I've learnt of their leader and of his thoughts for us, according to him, we are barbarians. He needs to be stopped."

 "Do you know his name?"

 The brunette nods, "his name is Pike, Charles Pike."


	8. Heda's kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit thrown together but basically lexa meets the fam

 1 Week and 3 days after the trice soul binding ~

 

 The room falls silent as the newly appointed Heda stands.

 The Heda is much smaller than those around her and rhythmic thumps echo out from where her fists meet the hard ground. She paces herself, taking her time in approaching the table, her mismatched eyes flitting from face to face, each showing a certain level of fear the closer she gets.

 "H-Heda." The generals bow.

 "Ladies....gentlemen....no need for such formalities. Please relax." She husks; she reaches the table and pulls herself easily up onto the step - placed specially for her - so she can observe the map of the Trikru lands.

 She scrutinises the land, every corner, every crevice, every river.

_Where is Farm Station?_

 Her hand lifts itself up as one of the other souls occupying her body takes control. She watches as her finger points to just inside the dead zone, close to Arkadia.

 The SkaiHeda squints, unaware of the curiously terrified gazes watching her move. She jumps onto the edge of the table, easily balancing around the map and the little lifelike models.

 Her feet carry her to where her finger had previously been pointing and holds the edge of the table with her lower hands. "This is the threat." She says as she carefully draws a circle around where she had indicated. "They are heavily armed, dangerous, but few."

 The generals behind her move to see the map.

 She hops of the table with a soft thud and she walks back to her throne and climbs into the seat, letting her leg dangle over an arm as she spreads out.

 She watches with fascination as the others in the room try not to fidget as she watches them. "Tell me, why is it, that this threat was allowed to form." She doesn't wait for a response and instead answers for them. "Because they are itty bitty skaikru who don't know one end of the stick to the other." She glares at one of the warriors who had been asked to keep watch over the small group.

 He had failed.

 "Brant, come here." She starts tapping her finger on the back of the seat, her other hand wrapped firmly around one of the branches stretching out as an armrest.

 The man in question hastily makes his way to kneel in-front of his Heda. "Tell me, why is it, that you let this happen."

 The man refuses to meet her steady gaze and shakes his head. "I thought they were worthless."

 "Well apparently the worthless are still capable of collecting weapons that can easily take out fifty warriors in half a second." The man lowers his head further.

 "I should not have let my warriors loosen up."

 "No, you shouldn't. And for that, you will receive their punishment. Sixty lashings will do, won't it?" The man nods and mutters a quiet 'yes Heda'. It isn't long before guards take him out and prepare the log for his punishment.

 She lets out a long breath.

_What should we do?_

 "Blockade" She breathes and then smirks, of course Lexa would take control of her mouth. She rolls her eyes.

  _Will you stop? They're looking at me like I'm mental_

_No, they're looking at you with fear and respect_

 She looks up and she too sees the nervousness in their eyes and stances.

_I cannot believe you sometimes, you know that?_

 Her lips quirk in reply and she can't help but roll her eyes again. "The intoxication of archers will surround Farm Station. I will go and converse with Pike, if he does not back down, they will all be killed. Understood?"

 There’s a collective nod of heads and the generals soon make their way out, making it all the more difficult for the Heda's children to make their way in.

 "Mum!" She looks to the door, away from the circle of candles she seems to have collected and smiles at her quartet of kids, who come stumbling past bodies much bigger than their own.

 Her youngest stops and stares. "Why do you look so _weird_?" She smirks at the woman. Who too hugs her mother.

 "Because Bella, I now have two other souls along with mine in the same body. You can't have more souls than your body can handle without it trying to shift to help accommodate said souls. Hence why I'm part Pauna."

 "Then why do you have three lots of hair types and a green eye? Gorillas don’t have green eyes."

 She chuckles. "Well, that would-be Lexa's doing. In fact, I want you to meet her."

 "Now?" Her twins ask, she nods. "How?"

 She taps her temple and then her nose.

_Go on then Lex, show them, show them who was and still is the love of my life_

 The brunette smiles at her and her lips quirk in that same confident smirk as the other woman comes to the forefront of her mind. Lexa now has full control of her body and it's... _freeing_. Not having to deal with the lump of meet that is now her. The only thing she has to control is her eye, the blue one, _her_ one.

 The blonde knows her children are fully confused now, and their joint looks of worry make her snigger. She must look idiotic with one eye going in one direction and the other going in the other.

 "Hello. I am Lexa." Her position changes and her voice lightens to help accommodate Lexa's spirit instead of Clarke's.

 She tries to look at Lexa, but knows she's failed when instead she sees the side of her nose.

 "It's lovely to meet you Lexa." Clarke's eldest, Alex, steps forward and thrusts out a hand, intent on shaking Lexa's hand, although it's actually his mother’s controlled one.

 “Likewise, Alex, I have heard the very best from all four of you.” She gives a curt nod, so unlike her better half, and relaxes back into her wooden throne.

 “It’s so weird hearing you. Coming from mum that is. It’s just…. mind boggling.” TJ says, her twin sister nodding along.

 She lets out a low chuckle, “I can understand that, your mum has a rather rough voice, deeper if you will.” She smiles subconsciously as Clarke’s voice rings out through her (Clarke’s) head.

  _Shut up Lex, you love it really_

_And that would be very true Klark_

 She turns from each child, seeing them for the first time properly, they’ve grown so much and they all have something distinctly Clarke about them.

 “Tell me, is it odd to see your mum this young?”

 The four of them nod. “She definitely still looks like mum just…. I don’t know. It’s very peculiar.”

 Bellatrix butts in to the eldest’s comment. “But we still love her.”

 Lexa hears the blonde hum and she can’t help her own smile at the sweet comment. “Yes, I do too.

 She looks to Abi who says, “good” and squints up at the brunette (blonde) “you better. Because if mum’s heart is broken one more time; you will have us to answer to!” Her siblings grumble in agreement and Lexa chuckles. They definitely have the blonde’s stubbornness

 She holds her hands up as a sign of submission and smiles gently. “You have my word. I wouldn’t want to hurt your mother anyway, it’d be very hard to escape her, and resort to sleeping on the sofa.”

 She places her hands behind her back and paces forward, her aim clear as the doors open and Clarke’s children follow.

 “Do you know who I used to be?” She glances over her shoulder at the four following. The oldest at the front with one of the twins. Bellatrix walking slightly behind with the other twin bringing up the rear.

 Alex shakes his head, but Bellatrix nods eagerly, hurrying her steps to match Lexa’s stilted pace. “You’re Commander Lexa, the uniter of 12 clans and slayer of the Ice queen.”

 “Bella!”

 “Queen Nia, sorry” She corrects, although she isn’t sure whether it was her mum or Lexa who reprimanded her.

 Lexa looked up at the just turned 23-year-old and watches as her mum’s golden blonde hair bounces. She reaches up to touch it, a muscled hand’s knuckles trailing through the flowing curls, it’s only shoulder height. “You have your mum’s curls.

 She stops and turns to the other three, inspecting each of their traits too.

 

 “You have her stubbornness TJ, whereas your sister has her personality. And you, Alex, have her eyes.” The man smiles gently at her as the twins hold hands.

 “We are always complimented by our nan about our traits, she tends to get very emotional. Although, somehow, Bella managed to get your curls.” He tilts his head as he gestures to the youngest stood behind her.

 Lexa hums, the sound coming out low and throaty, more like a grumble “You, however managed to achieve her artistic abilities. Your mother is an astounding artist.”

 The young man blushes and lowers his gaze, “I’ve never seen any of her drawings.”

 “Well, we’ll have to change that. Won’t we?” She smiles gently and looks from each child, studying their faces, “I had better give your mum control otherwise she might start throwing things.”

 The blonde in her head scoffs, and she knows the blue eye has closed and she now looks like she’s winking. “She begs to differ.” A wide grin stretches across her face and soon the four in-front of her are grinning too.

 

5 months after the trice soul binding ~

 After smoothing things out with Clarke’s family, including mother and friends, she’s been living the high life, enjoying the time she gets with Clarke both in bed and out, often contributing to ideas and helping to plan things out, like the moon festival and the twin’s birthdays.

 She had even been to see Indra in TonDC, after Clarke had allowed her possession of her body for the day, just to walk around and feel and smell like she used to, if heightened by the extra pauna modified nose hairs and nose tip that allowed her to scent things, much like a wolf.

 The black woman had fallen to her knees in a rare show of emotion as she looked up to her Hedas.

 The village itself had been in awe as their Commander walked by, unsure whether to keep bowing, stooped low to the ground or to break rank and lift their heads, if just to get a glimpse of their magnificent leaders.

 They had even visited the old zoo, where they first stumbled across the pauna, a raising of hairs and slight perk in speed showed the third spirit occupant recognises where they were.

 At which point Clarke had taken over again and gone to sit right at the top of the tiered enclosure and sat, looking out over the forest, thumping a fist into the ground.

 They had then enjoyed a delightful conversation on whether a tree absorbs more water through it’s roots or leaves.

 

_70 years on from everything spirity ~_

_Do you think we’ll ever die?_

_Maybe, it depends on how long the pauna can live for and whether that’s due to nuclear mutation_

_Well, if we do…I want to be buried with white roses. I am far from innocent but those I have murdered were, they at least deserve some recognition._

_… If you wish dear_

_Lexa! You’ve spent too much time around Raven_

_It’s only because you make me spend time with them_

_Still_

_You’re making me spend time with them now_

_A blonde hairy arm swings out and gestures at the arguing pair in-front of them, one with white hair, the other with grey. They both turn to glare at her then start arguing with her too._

_What did I just say Clarke? It’s you who forces me to endure this_

_Yeeeaahh, but the wife’s always right_

_…I’m a wife too_


End file.
